Tuesday, February 23, 2010

My ache to be mirrored...It's all coming back.

Everybody has the ability do anything they want. In fact, I always felt, if i put my heart into anything I do, I fare well. Whatever I do or have done, can be done by any one and much beyond too. The reason I am what I am now, is not because of any body else, but because of my own self. As they say, I got in my own way. These are the 10 commandments of my life now, and which I want to change for good.

Myself- 2008 Myself- 2010
1. Very procrastinating 1. Very very procrastinating
2. Taking minimal things personally 2. Taking things way too personally
3. Trying to change others (as if I am perfect! ) 3. Trying to change others (thinking I am perfect!)
4. Never letting fear run my Life 4. Letting fear run the major part of my Life
5. Never was envious of others 5. Being envious sometimes
6. Giving advice when they want something else 6. Giving advice when they want something else
and if possible rub it in by pointing out their mistakes
7. Saying yes when I want to say No 7. Saying a BIG Yes when I want to say No
8. Getting so angry that I make things worse 8. Getting very angry that I make things irreversible
9. Never playing it safe, always take risks 9. What is safety? Life is full of risks!
10. Trying to take care of everybody 10. Trying to take care of everybody and do more

1. There is always a confusion between urgency and priority. Procrastination is something that we all deal with, in our lives. I have always procrastinated. If you ask me why I procrastinate? I can come up with few answers (Oh yes, I can always justify my stand with the given assumptions I have about that subject, and you bet I do it often.) I tend to attend to "comfort" tasks which are most convenient, interesting, or within reach. Priority is sacrificed for convenience. For instance, writing this blog post, when I am supposed to be writing a paper.
2. Well, we all take many things personally. As the sentence suggests "personally" is purely subjective and "personal". Just think of incidents where you felt you were emotionally punched. These incidents have nothing to do with actual facts. They’re all about your translations and how you perceived it. You feel you don't get credit for what you do. Not all you do will be liked by everyone. Just go by this.... swswswsw ( “Some will. Some won’t. So what? Someone’s waiting!”) and of course not every one is as jobless as you.
3 & 6. Ha.. This one's my favorite. I will tell you why. I presume we all, including the person who is reading this, feel that our sense of right and wrong, is right and wrong. We think we know the best and the worst of life and can improve others life with our advices. But in reality, its not so. Simply because, we all face different situations and different people. So still, why do we try to change others? Hmmm, one intuitive reason could be because we want them that way. Then that's being selfish. And also there is this self-justifying factor, "I-dont-try-to-change-people's mind. I just give them my point of view on the subject , and they can choose whether to accept it or not". I have been trying to accept people as they are, but I should say I haven't fulfilled that to the extent I want to.
4. Fear is what that puts me in the backseat even now. If you ask me fear of what?, I have no answer.
5. Envy.. Well, as long as it is healthy and does not affect me, I don't mind envying others. I try to emulate them and it is good in a way.
7. This has been my second most biggest problem. I cant say no for shit. Only because, I do not want to hear no from others, and I feel empathetic when people ask me something. But I should seriously start changing this habit of mine.
8. Anger.Many have spoken about this in the past. I need not add any more to it. The word summarizes what I want to say.
9. This one is actually under my control now. I can stop it if I want to. One of the few things I can say with confidence that I can do. But however there are people who still believe I cant. You have two sides to a coin.
10. This is by far my biggest problem. I think I am here to take care of others whoever needs me. However, I am not. I need to take care of myself first. And by that, I do not mean I should be selfish and take care of my own stuff. I need to have a superposition of my priorities and my crave to help others in need. I feel that after listening and caring about the needs of others, I need a break from all this. But what works even better is to have the world reciprocate by listening and caring about me in the same way. Mirror Neurons are special nerve cells in our cerebral cortex that fire when we watch another person do something, imagine ourselves doing the same thing or when we actually do the same thing. They are what are behind the phenomenon of yawning when others yawn. They are also thought to be behind imitation, learning and empathy. My observation which is borne out by my socializing practice with this murky world is that each time I conform psychologically and emotionally to others needs, (haha :P) I get a reciprocal hunger to have it be returned . That is my ache to be mirrored.

Ps:- This little retrospect of myself was to give myself a dose of what and how I behave with the society. This was in pure intention to criticize my own self and not to hurt anybody else who might relate to this in any form or manner.
PPs:- There is a Ted Talk by famous neuro-scientist, V S Ramachandran on mirror neurons. Pretty awesome!


Hari Vishnu said...

the hardest thing in life is to understand oneself, the easiest is to criticize others. i believe that once u understand urself, self esteem, confidence and success will automatically follow. and u seem to have done it dude, more or less. some from others feedback, some from ur own introspection, but nevertheless its hard to be able to point out ur own flaws like this. or pen it out for the whole world to see.

an awesome post from the heart, dare i say ur best uptil now.im touched, mach.. touched..

The Third Twin said...

yeah dude.. and i shud say i am in the cross roads.. there is this set of "my own" rules and principles.. and then again there is this set of "imbibed" from others.. ofcourse they overlap to an extent. But as of now, i am not able to make a distinction. To make that distinction of "my own" and "others" i seriously needed a retrospect.. and the critic in me had to do it..

lakshmi said...

Gave a real thought into yourself..Really Good..Its pretty difficult to bring out the deep down facts/views about ourself. Really Good work!!
I liked it, and hope it will be useful to many who reads this.
Now better get back to your Phd..
:-) And do keep Blogging..:)

Quest said...

I am the GOD of NO-sayers :D I would be glad to welcome you under my tutelage. Guaranteed NOs coming out of your mouth in unbelievable frequencies and dBs. Contact me asap. Offer lasts till my class attains the strength of 10 :D

The Third Twin said...

of course dude.. u are the god of no-sayers.. and i shud take a leaf outta ur book :D

Channa said...

i think Understanding one self is a process not an end in itself... its difficult to say anything as our principles & beliefs, because even those what we follow now or call as ours are those which we learnt from others at some point of our life. Its true that what we learn during our childhood, from our parents & teachers, is wat makes of most of "our principles & beliefs".

And i agree with wat u said about accepting ppl as they r..i guess thats the toughest part of life..

About saying 'No'..Thers no prob with saying 'yes' unless u regret later for saying it .. But definitely, u shuld learn to live with the fact that others have the freedom to say "no" to you..We learn to expect more from others as we come closer in relationships..thats where we head wrong way..

Its all because we learn wat we need to do much quickly than how we do it..

The Third Twin said...

yes understanding ourself is always a process. and our beliefs and principles keep changing..
thats a good point what u brought abt.. we learn what we need to do much quickly than how we go about it..
as i always say.. we al have unconditional needs.. . its all a need that needs to be satisfied in our subconscious level.. and once it gets, we keep moving.. but the process of learning is always on how we go abt it.. :D

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